[on 2013]

So it's New Year's Eve and as you probably figured out, I'm not doing anything this year. Not a thing. In fact, I'm sitting in bed in my undies watching New Year's Rockin' Eve on ABC.

Thrilling, isn't it?

The weird thing is, in years past this was a totally acceptable and in fact desirable way to spend my NYE. Heck I'd leave parties early because I wanted to go home.

But this year, for whatever reason, I'm not really happy with it. I kind of wish I was elsewhere, ringing in 2014 in a more exciting manner.

That's all beside the point. It relates to the point, but it isn't actually the point. Let's move on to the point now shall we?

First, let's take a look backwards. 2013 was not one of my better years. It wasn't the worst but it wasn't really the best either. 2013 was definitely on the lower end of the scale for me. I quit my job. I moved back in with my parents (I love my parents but who wants to get a law degree, turn 26, start a career...and then move back in with their parents?). I failed the Bar. I puffed up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

2013 wasn't all bad though. I graduated from law school. I lost a lot of weight. I started a real job with a real company, complete with benefits and a salary. I learned just how amazing my friends are. I grew up (a lot).

Whatever happened in 2013, I'm ready for a new year. And a new year means some resolutions.

A quick soapbox about resolutions: I'm not a huge fan. I believe you should set resolutions throughout the year and check your own progress towards them regularly. The type of reflecting and goal setting that gets done on December 31 really should happen far more frequently than it does. Okay enough about that though.

In years past I would kind of half-ass my resolutions, coming up with something after being asked for the 5th time what my resolutions were for the new year. Last year I actually had a resolution set in advance: to read 52 books in 52 weeks. Yeah that didn't really happen. But Lord knows I tried. That resolution wasn't even one I came up with: I jumped on some friends' bandwagon with glee.

This year though, things were different. This year I set my goal on December 26. Mom uploaded some photos of the family from Christmas Eve mass onto Facebook. My first though?  Holy cow there's a whale in those photos! Right then and there, something changed in my heart and my mind and I knew what my resolution would be.

2014 will be my last fat year.

Now hush with those "but you're not fat" comments. Let me explain. I am not comfortable in my skin. I don't want to be the weight that society has deemed acceptable. I just want to feel comfortable in my own body. I want to look at pictures of me and not be embarrassed by my weight. Maybe by my hair or the stupid face I'm making, but not by weight. Never again by my weight.

I'm not wishing I was skinny this time. This time I'm just plain fed up. I'm done. And quite frankly, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that I didn't take this seriously any sooner. Yes, my medicine contributed. But I helped it right along, making poor food choices on the regular and hoping a 30 minute run 4 days a week would even things out. Hint: it doesn't. At all.

I won't be going paleo, giving up gluten, or following  a strict diet. I'm doing what I know works and what I know is sustainable. I'm doing Weight Watchers. Honestly it's one of the absolute best out there. The program is designed to help you lose weight while living a normal life.

Because what I want to do is make a healthy change for life, not fit into a bathing suit. I want to never feel this way again. I want to live a long, happy, healthy life. And fad diets won't help me do that.

But losing weight isn't my only resolution. A second resolution has developed throughout this week. I want to write more. Writing is in my heart and soul the way dance is in my sister's. It breathes life into me. It gives me a way to create something beautiful, something that makes people feel something. There's something so wonderful about the written word and the immense power it carries with it. I absolutely adore the act of writing, from simple emails, to blog posts, to short stories. So over this next year I will spend more time simply writing for the sake of writing.

That's it this year. No long list of things to do. No last minute ideas that I came up with so I would have an answer when asked about my resolutions. Just two simple goals: to make this my last fat year and to spend more time writing.

What about you? What do you want to accomplish in 2014?

PS: I looked at last year's blog post from NYE. Apparently I also resolved to consume less. Given the fact that I completely forgot about this resolution, I would say that it was not so much of a success either.

PPS: I got a new camera for Christmas. When I get my new laptop (hopefully this weekend) there will be a veritable onslaught of photos from me. Just a heads up.