so it ends.

A few months ago I shared about an upcoming move.

A few weeks ago I got some devastating news.

After a successful video conference with my potential new managers, things moved forwards (or so I thought).

It was just a matter of time they said.
All that was needed was a signature on a piece of paper they said.
The contract would be to me next week they said.

They didn't have the funding for the job and were eliminating the position they said.

After two months of hearing "we're hiring you", the tune changed in one email from HR. Now the tune was "oops, sorry".

I was crushed. Absolutely crushed.

This was my chance. This was a perfect next step. This was my grand adventure, my chance to move my life and my career forward in a big way.

And now it wasn't going to happen.

Over the next week I battled a range of emotions. There was relief that the whole thing had fallen apart before I arrived in New York. There was anger over the way I had been treated. There was deep sadness over the loss. There was self-doubt about the cause of the change of heart.

Eventually the old maxim started to prove true: time does heal all wounds. I began to re-evaluate. Where was my career going? Where do I go from here? Is this what I want? What do I want?

The more I thought about the whole thing, the more a few things came into focus.

I began to learn that this type of behavior is common in corporate America. And that's not okay with me. The enchantment I felt began to fall away. Maybe corporate life wasn't the life for me.

I found a burning desire to practice law. I want to be in court. I want to represent clients. I want to draft motions and briefs and contracts. I miss the law. I miss it badly. And I wasn't willing to wait 3-5 years for a staff counsel position with my company.

My spare time is spent applying for positions. The search has shifted away from corporate America and towards law firms. I swallowed my pride and admitted that I would have to compete with recent graduates for positions: even though I'm two years out of law school, I don't have lawyer experience.

And that's okay. My life, as it always has, took a different path from the typical lawyer path.

Now, after several weeks, I see the email as a turning point and as a good thing. I was taking the path of least resistance. I wasn't challenging myself to jump into practicing law, even though that's what I wanted to do.

I have a job still. It's not glamorous or exciting, but it's a job. I have good managers and good co-workers. I have a place to live, my car won't be repossessed and my loans won't fall into default.

I can keep searching. I can find what will make my heart sing. And I can go do it now, not 3-5 years from now. The spell has broken and my life can move forward, unencumbered.

And that's a good thing. A very, very good thing.

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