1.06.2015

Assertive.

It's officially 2015.

Honestly, I'm not really sure how that happened. But it happened and I couldn't be more excited.

I'm not normally into New Year's Eve. To me, it's a lot like Valentine's Day for some people. Not that part about being sad and being alone, but the part about it being a silly, pointless holiday. As a result, I've spent a lot of New Year's Eves at home with my parents, just hanging out.

But this year I think I finally understood.

2014 was an interesting year for me.

There were lows: I gained weight (a good bit of it, too). I found out I was going to be laid off. An amazing opportunity fell through. I was still living at home with my parents, convinced that I was going to die single in my high school bedroom. I studied for the Bar twice. I failed the Bar once.

There were highs: I bought my first car. I got a new. better job. I moved back to Maryland (finally). I learned how to manage my finances, which was a huge deal for the former queen of bad financial management. I matured. I passed the Bar and was sworn in. I found the true beauty of the Catholic faith and fell back in love with the Church.

This year, I rang in NYE with friends for the first time in several years. It wasn't some raucous wild night but it was perfect none the less. Several of us slept over with a friend and her husband, then went over to another friend's house for brunch.

There was something so wonderful about waking up with friends, something that just makes 2015 seem so much brighter.

2015 is going to be a bit different. It already feels that way. And the difference starts with my resolution for the year.

In the past I always chose a stereotypical resolution. 2014 was going to be my last fat year (ha!). There were years that were going to be the year I got my finances in order, started dating, kept my apartment neater, journaled every day, ran a marathon, and so on.

And like all stereotypical resolutions, I stereotypically quit after a month or two.

But after much reflection, I decided to make a different resolution this year.

2015 is going to be a year of a single word: assertiveness.

For years, I watered down what I wanted.

Let me explain.

When I was in Baltimore taking the bar for the second time, a friend offered me a tour of her workplace.

I wanted to go.

But I said "that could be interesting" with a shrug.

That's the way I've approached everything, from offers to help with my job search down to  picking an appetizer to share.

I don't know why. I really don't know. I wish I did.

This year that changes.

This year I say "yes" instead of "maybe".

It's a hard habit to break and I'm struggling with it but I'm getting better.

And you know what? Nothing bad has happened.

No friendships have ended.
No potential employers have backed away.

It's not about being aggressive. It's not about steamrolling over other people. It's about standing up for what I want and being honest and open with the people in my life about my desires.

So here's to saying yes instead of maybe, to admitting that I'm interested in things. Here's to 2015.

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