auld lang syne

As 2016 draws to a close I've been thinking about the future, about 2017.

I've never been a huge fan of NYE. But then again I'm not much of a drinker so most holidays that revolve around alcohol don't really appeal much to me. Sure I understand the point of setting resolutions and celebrating surviving another year. Let's be real, even in America in 2016 there are no guarantees you'll make it through the year. We humans aren't invincible after all. But that just makes me want to contemplate life in my pajamas, not don sparkly apparel and drink myself silly.  I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird.

This year when several of my friends fell ill and plans were cancelled I was happy for the opportunity to don new fluffy pajama pants and snuggle up with Ronni and the X-Files.

While watching, I realized something.

I feel stuck, like I've been walking in the same circle and it's been worn so deep I can't climb back out anymore.

For the past several years I've been doing the same things. Everything has reached a point where it feels like my entire destiny is before me and I can see each step of the way. Five years from now I'll be doing the same things, having not lost any weight or saved any more money or traveled to any new places or fallen in love.

And honestly, that really scares me.

Sure a lot of things have changed. I'm finally actually practicing law at a firm I love. I live in Maryland on my own again. I have this wonderful, adorable, loving dog. I did date someone briefly.

But somehow, everything still feels too much the same.

In 5 years I don't want the only change in my life to be where I live--my roommate and I both plan on moving when our lease is up. I want to grow, to change, to progress.

So how does one progress?

I've given a lot of thought to that over the past day or so. I can't tackle all of the changes at the same time. I've tried that before and it never really works out that well.

Okay, so that means picking one thing.

And this year I'm picking probably the most stereotypical thing: getting healthy.

You see a lot of my problems stem from my health. Food has been my comfort, my companion, my self-medication. As a result, I eat too much and buy food that ends up getting thrown away. My weight grows, my bank account shrinks, my confidence dwindles, my energy levels disappear, my stress level rises.

That's no way to live.

So it's time to break out of this rut. It's time to view food as fuel and not a source of joy or comfort. It's time to view being active as a better alternative to Netflix.

It's also time to start small. I've tried so many times to throw everything away and start over as vegan or paleo or whole foods only or whatever. I've tried to jump straight into a 6-day-a-week, hour-a-day workout schedule.

It never ends well. After a week or two I'm exhausted and unable to continue.

This time, it will start smaller. It will start with swapping regular pasta for brown rice/quinoa options. It will start with taking Ronni for long walks after work and to the park on weekends. After all, Ronni could stand to shed some of her big round belly too.

It will start small.

And from there it will grow.

And before you know it, life will begin to look a little different than it does now.

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