Too much

Tonight will be a good night. I have fuzzy wool pajamas on, hot chocolate with marshmallows on the table and there's snow forecasted for tomorrow.

The truth is earlier today I felt cracked and broken. A major project was completed but instead of making me feel relieved the completion made me break a little bit. I didn't want to be in clinic. I didn't want to be in ILS. I didn't want to be in law school. Heck I didn't even want to look at the mountain of laundry in my room. They were all just more obligations that I had to deal with. And for once I wanted to have no obligations. I wanted to only have to curl up on the sofa and watch a movie on TV. The truth is I've been carrying too much weight (emotionally and mentally speaking) for far too long. I did stop to thank God for not giving me a husband and children today. Being single has its blessings some days.

Don't worry I'm feeling better now that I have those pjs and that hot chocolate that I mentioned earlier. I know it's only a temporary fix but sometimes you just need to be a total bum and do nothing for an evening. You can't run and run and run all the time. But there's something else.

In the past I would feel this way before I even started. I would sign up for clinic, take a position as an officer in ILS and start a new diet and take on the other responsibilities. The day it actually came time to begin acting on those obligations I would feel overwhelmed before I started and quit. I never even got started. But not anymore. I'm not a quitter anymore. I'm sticking all this through now.

Even if I need a night of simply watching movies on TV sometimes.