[diet soju & ravioli 1]

About a year and a half ago this blog was called French Toast & Burnt Toast. Around that time, I started a sort of companing blog called the [lighter] side of french toast, which focused on my weight loss journey. I did really well on that journey, not only dropping several sizes  and getting halfway to my goal but rediscovering energy and zest that I didn't know had been missing.

Then life interfered.

I quit my job after learning my boss was going to be disbarred.
I didn't get another job for 6+ months.
I studied for & took the bar exam.
I failed the bar.
I got a new job where I sat (& snacked) all day everyday.

I didn't undo all of the hard work I had done but I've sure tried.

So about a month ago all my bad habits caught up with me. You know how they say if you put a frog in a pot of water and raise the temperature slowly he'll stay in there and cook to death before he realizes what's happening? Well that's what happened to me.

I decided to do something about it. And for three weeks I worked my tail off, sticking to Weight Watchers splendidly.

But the scale didn't move. In fact, it kept increasing. Alarmed by that and several other health factors, I went to the doctor. I'm still waiting on some lab results, but a strong contender for the cause of this problem is one of my medications.

I know better than to blame the medication entirely. Yes it contributed. But I helped it along.

On Tuesday I got to the specialist that prescribed the medicine to talk about changing it. At first I was just going to wait until we got that sorted out but then I thought about it more and more.

And I realized that doing so would just be relying on the medication to do the work for me. A part of me unrealistically thought that as soon as I switched, weight would start falling off without me doing anything.

So I made a decision: I was not going to use the medicine as an excuse to delay another minute.

Starting today, I'm getting back on track with my weight loss. I'm monitoring what I eat. I'm increasing the number of days a week I workout.

And I'm sharing it with you.

Like last time, I won't be sharing any numbers. I've found that numbers lead to comparison and distract from the true message of weight loss blog posts. Let's be honest: what's heavy for me may be small for you and vice versa. And my purpose here is not to make someone say "well if she's heavy at that weight, I must be massive at mine". No, my purpose is two-fold.

First, my purpose is to help myself stay accountable. Now that I've gone public with my journey, I have every single reader of this blog to be accountable to. And I've found that I need that. I don't like explaining why I've quit something; it's easier for me to stay the course & keeping working towards my goal than admit that I've given up. Can you do that for me? Can you help me stay accountable? Please?? I need your help with this.

Second, my purpose is to share and hopefully inspire someone else to make changes in their own life. My goal in losing weight is not just aesthetic. It's health related. Heart problems & diabetes run rampant in this family. The last thing I want is a triple bypass like my dad had a few Christmases ago. And if I keep going this way, I'll be there one day. But it's not just diabetes and heart disease that I have to worry about. There's that discomfort in my own skin, that shame that I don't like to acknowledge. Because I'm ashamed. And I'm willing to bet there are others of you out there that feel that way too, even if you'll never admit it to anyone (including yourself). We don't have to live this way. We can change. And I hope that someone will see me do this and will be inspired to start their own journey or to get back on track.

This won't be easy. I know that. There will be ups & downs, highs & lows. And I want to share all of those with you; only sharing the good would be extremely dishonest & deceptive of me. To be honest, a part of me doesn't want to do this. Why? Because it means changing.

It means admitting that I'm not eating well.
It means cutting back on certain types of food.
It means less time sitting and more time moving.
It means an end to being lazy.
It means hard work.
It means saying no.

Let me clarify one thing: I believe moderation is key to weight loss. I don't believe in total deprivation. But the truth is you have to make changes to achieve that moderation. You must scale back on certain foods (like ice cream or soda for me). Otherwise it's not moderation. It's just not. You absolutely cannot realistically expect to keep eating the same volume of unhealthy foods and experience any meaningful weight loss. You have to change. Let treats be just that: treats. By that I mean let them be an occasional delightful indulgence. Trust me, ice cream is so much better when you don't eat it daily. It becomes special. As a result, you tend to savor it more, enjoying it slowly.

So starting right this very minute, I'm taking the first step towards my goal. And this time I won't stop until I get there.

Will you join me? Will you be my cheerleaders, my accountability partners? Because I need you to get this done.