[rock & hard place]

For the past year, I’ve been living in the suburbs of Atlanta.

The suburbs are a nice, wonderful place.

If you have a family.

But when you’re young and single, they have a tendency to crush your soul. I crave the excitement of the city, the hustle & bustle, the new places to explore, the new things to try, and the never ending stream of happenings & events. It feeds my soul. Even a simple 30 minute run down the same route you always take is an adventure in a city: like a river, cities are ever-changing.

When I moved back here, my only thought was that I would move back to Baltimore (or possibly DC at the furthest) as soon as I could. I knew I would be back before my next birthday.

I turned 26 and kept on living in the suburbs. Surely by August I would be packing to move back to the Mid-Atlantic.

August came & went and I was starting a job in the first few weeks of September. That job was in a different Atlanta suburb. I started my first day with every intention of working long enough to save up some money, then moving back to Maryland at the first opportunity.

That hasn’t happened either. A part of the reason is that I’m studying for the Bar. Again. And as Mom calmly pointed out, it didn’t really make much sense for me to try and switch jobs or move cities (even if it was just down I-75 to Atlanta) during that process. It makes far more sense ot stay put and give myself the best chance of passing this time. So I’ve stayed.

Moving has been tabled for now. The Bar is in a few weeks. Then two weeks after that I hit the 6-month mark at this job. Sometime in the two weeks after that I’ll get my bonus.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the move lately. While I won’t be going anywhere quite yet, if I want to switch to a different company, I have to start applying for things soon.

I realized something disturbing lately: Chicago has been weighing heavily on my heart. Really, really heavily. I feel a pang of envy every time someone talks about it. I imagine myself living there.

So what do I do?

On the one hand, moving to Chicago means moving to somewhere vibrant and bright. It’s a big city with all the ammenities of a big city.

But on the other hand, my friends are in Maryland. Granted they’ve scattered from the city a good bit but they’re still all there. I do love Baltimore itself. I really do. But I don't like some of the things that are happening there. Mom always told us that she loved us even though she didn't like what we were doing. That's how I feel about Baltimore. After getting a little distance, my notions are less romantic and more realistic. And quite frankly, I don't know that it's an environment I want to move back to. The city will always hold a special place in my heart but is it the right place for me right now? I don't know. 

So now I’m left to ponder my options, to try and figure out what to do next.

For now, the focus is elsewhere (the Bar, mostly). But the question still looms. 

Say some prayers for guidance, will you? I'd appreciate it greatly.